If you’ve watched a movie, read a book, or simply asked around at any point in the last hundred years or so, you’d be likely to conclude that sex is a means to a male orgasm and is over once he’s done.
When surveyed, 95% of heterosexual men say that they are able to achieve orgasm most or every time that they have sexual intercourse, while just 65% of heterosexual women say the same. That 30% disparity is the orgasm gap.
And before you fall prey to the “some women just have a hard time getting off” line of thinking, it’s important to note that 88% of lesbian women report being able to get off during all or most of their sexual exchanges.
While the functionality of a penis is fairly straightforward, a vagina, and all its accompanying anatomy, is a bit more complicated. And it certainly doesn’t help that significantly less scientific research focuses on women’s bodies than on men’s. Sexual education tends to follow suit, so overall the attention paid to female sexual satisfaction has a lot of catching up to do.
If you’ve watched a movie, read a book, or simply asked around at any point in the last hundred years or so, you’d be likely to conclude that sex is a means to a male orgasm and is over once he’s done. You might also believe that most women are able to achieve orgasm during penetrative sex, while in reality only about 18% of women report having orgasms during penetration alone.
Due in part (mostly) to the lack of information and outdated narratives mentioned above, women often feel shame or embarrassment when it comes to discussing their sex lives, particularly when they aren’t going well. Unfortunately, keeping quiet about your sex life can lead to unfulfilled desires and resentment toward your partner who may be more open to adjustments than you expect. Communication is key, but often doesn’t happen.
The science says that most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and sex toys can be a great way to get that. Use them alone or with a partner! Some of our favorites are this sleek wand from Tabu, and this couples vibe from Dame, as well as this clitoral stimulator (meant to imitate a mouth-like feel) from Lelo and self-heating g-spot stimulator from Goop.
Research shows that cis-het women’s chances of achieving orgasm increase exponentially as they have more sex with, and get more comfortable communicating with, the same partner. Having sex with the same partner six times doubles the likelihood of having an orgasms, and women in relationships lasting longer than 6 months are more that 6X as likely to achieve an orgasm than a woman is during her first sexual experience with a new partner.
You don’t owe anyone a climactic performance. Orgasms are intended to make you feel good, not to stroke your partner’s ego. Too many women for far too long have faked orgasms, and in the end this is bad for everyone. Pity the poor men who think for years that they’ve been getting it right, and even more of course the women who have suffering endlessly from mediocre-at-best sex. And these women, the ones who lie, make it harder for the rest of us to tell the truth!
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