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Revel HQ
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May 20, 2022

Pearls of Wisdom from Lifetimes of Therapy

The hard-earned wisdom of middle-aged women is nothing to sneeze at.

Stop treating others better than you treat yourself.

A conversation with Reveler Rebecca Bauer inspired us to ask our community members what the most import thing they’d ever learned in therapy was. The hard-earned wisdom of middle-aged women is nothing to sneeze at. We’ve shared some of our favorite answers below: 

  • No is a complete sentence.
  • What if nothing is wrong? 
  • Deep/conscious breathing.
  • Boundaries and stay in the moment.
  • The 3 W's: wish, want, and willing...
  • Who would you be without this (fill in the blank with a feeling or pattern)?
  • Once you say something you can’t un-say it.
  • Collaborate not compromise.
  • Love doesn't make you happy, make yourself happy. Then you'll find love.
  • You are responsible for your own feelings. No one else can control how you react to a situation.
  • In a partnership, you can only do 100% of your 50%.
  • Respond, not react. Although that is easier said than done for me.
  • Sit with your feelings when you’re triggered.
  • Not everything needs to be addressed the moment it’s happening.
  • How's the thing I am complaining about working for me? 
  • If you want to feel normal, start doing normal things.
  • Stop “should-ing” all over yourself. You did your best.
  • We're all just doing what we can with the tools we were given. 
  • I can survive what I feel.
  • Just because you have an instant connection with someone doesn’t mean it’s a good connection.
  • At some point in everyone’s lives they are forced to let go of the illusion of control
  • Behind every complaint is a request.
  • Recognize the Feeling. Stop. Breathe. Reflect. Then put the processed feeling somewhere safe.
  • Feelings are not facts.
  • You can’t fix anyone but yourself
  • I'm not responsible for your feelings.
  • What other people think about me is really none of my business.
  • Try to be a thermostat instead of a thermometer.
  • People don't think about you as much as you think they do.
  • Stop treating others better than you treat yourself. Self love and compassion are important!!!
  • Not everybody has to like you.
  • It's perfectly fine to say no sometimes.
  • For your teen through adult children: mind open, mouth shut.
  • Stop trying to change people. Change YOUR response to people.
  • Would you rather be right or happy? I know this one can be bothersome to others, but it has really worked for me.
  • You can’t force people to accept your help. If they don’t want it, you have to let it go.
  • Celebrate small victories.
  • A feeling lasts 90 seconds, anything after that is the story(ies) you tell yourself.
  • Ask yourself “What do you want?”
  • If the relationship isn’t working for one of you, it’s not working for both of you.
  • Feel your feelings.
  • You can't control other people. Focus on what you can control: aspects of yourself.
  • I have a choice, every day, to continue to create magic in my life.
  • If you have anxiety just sit there and be anxious. Trying to make it go away just intensifies it.
  • Be vulnerable enough to ask for what you want and say no to what you don't want -- you don't have to make people guess, and you also don't have to justify or prove you're being "reasonable"
  • Slow down.
  • Feelings are not reality. (I have a tendency to catastrophize.)
  • You're more powerful than you think.
  • When you're depressed, you lose perspective. So simple, but I have to keep reminding myself.
  • When a disagreement is petty, say "I love you too much to argue."
  • Worry is the misuse of imagination.
  • Unmentionable is unmanageable.
  • If you don't have access to one emotion, you don't have true access to any of them. Feel all your feelings and identify them and express them as much in the moment as possible.
  • You can’t control another’s behavior but you can control your reaction.
  • HALT......Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.....if I skew too much in any one direction I need to stop and rest. For more than 30 years it has helped me deal w/ a wide variety of stressors. Simple but so effective.
  • Anger is rarely a primary emotion. Take a moment to find out what’s behind it: hurt, fear, shame, etc.
  • The world will not stop turning if you take time to rest.
  • Take a moment to pause before reacting, or deciding how I'm feeling about a situation.

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