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Revel HQ
September 26, 2020

Sexual Memoirs in Five Sentences

On the real sex lives of real middle-aged women.

Always interested to do anything.

Inspired by an essay in the Sewanee Review, Revelers challenged themselves to write summaries of their sexual lives in five sentences or less. Here is an anonymous sampling of the results, often moving, provocative, and surprising in the range of experiences they portray -- the real sex lives of real middle-aged women.

My babysitter’s fingers gently, innocently caressing my back, arousing feelings in me I didn’t know existed.

Pulling my underwear tight against my crotch to stop myself from peeing in the car and discovering warmth and pleasure that traveled up the back of my spine.

A hard penis against my back in the pool, making me, mistakenly, believe I was desired, because at the ripe age of 16, with porcelain skin and ruby cheeks, I wasn’t even aware of how desirable I was.

Crammed on the fraternity boy’s bed, drunk, my virginity taken unceremoniously and workman like.

Then, 30 years of joyless and increasingly rare sex until perimenopausal hormones, kegel balls and edibles conspired to return me to my childhood state of bliss, pure pleasure and enjoyment of my own body.


Back then in Texas they didn’t call it rape when your boyfriend gets you drunk and tells you, convinces you that he can’t wait.

At 14, you believed him.

Back then, when you didn’t want to have sex but wanted to be loved, you were told that blow jobs would cure blue balls too.

You believed that until you were 21.

Finally, at 23 you meet the man you will marry who has loved you wholeheartedly for 34 years, who has always put you first and has said repeatedly that you’re beautiful. You still believe him. ❤️


Exposed too early to sexuality, which has made me a lifelong prude.

Although I was active from age 16 to ~30, most of the sex was perfunctory and seeking love - and the best sex of all was with a man who adored me and who I didn't realize until much later that I loved too.

After 20 years with my husband, who I love(d) and who loves/d me (but with whom sex was nothing to write home about), I reconnected with that earlier love and re-experienced the connection of mind and body into fantastic sex.

I'm still waiting to find that again, and happy to wait since nothing else will do; I am happy to find love in other ways now though still hopeful that sex will return one day.


Sex at 19-meh

Sex with someone else at 26-🎉

Sex with too many guys from 29-36-meh

Sex at 37-65-🎉🍾💯

Sex at 71-longing for sex🤦🏻♀️


Loved sex since I lost my virginity to virgin college boyfriend.

In my 20’s, I learned that great sex could make me a fool.

In 30’s, found greatest sex with man who broke my heart and almost my spirit.

Married in my 40’s, steady good but rarely amazing sex with husband I really love.

Husband got prostate cancer in 2017; sex now involves some serious prep and although it can be done, it puts a damper on things and makes both husband and wife really sad, so I am missing sex that was good enough but I didn’t realize that.


Focus on the Family, don't be like your mother.

Quick catch, dreams trashed, statistics hit every one.

Cheater, Cheater pussy eater-had a wife but couldn't keep her.

Liberated clitoris by age 23.

Satisfied, every time in all the days since.


Couldn't wait, sex is always great.

When asked how much I shrug.

Stayed too long because of sex and food once.

Stayed too long besides no sex once.

Always interested to do anything.


At 11 an 18-year-old boy asked me to come to his house and watch him play his drums; I didn’t go but started masturbating furiously to that great fantasy.

Dated my husband through college and was married for 53 years.

No sex until marriage and then there were physical and emotional problems.

At 78 I feel the sexiest I’ve ever been.

He does wonderful things with his hands and I can’t stop thinking about them and him.


Started too young, but he was sweet.

Open but not terribly promiscuous, because always in a steady relationship; despite which, often cheated.

Didn't masturbate or orgasm til my 20s, first vibrator in my 40s.

Best sex with the worst guy, of course.

Now orgasms sometimes a bit elusive. COVID?

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